Wow, my reflection. Seriously this is probably one of the hardest posts yet. All it asks for is a picture of my reflection but I feel it should be a lot more.
Granted the picture is tiny but I think everyone will live!!
Reflection of ones self is important. While I was taking this picture I seriously thought long and hard about where my life was going and what I honestly thought of myself. So far in the past 3 years I have managed to create good credit, become more settled in my relationship with George, ADVANCE my relationship with George, learn to be independent, and to become a self accountable christian.
This post required me to look at myself in a mirror, I took it to mean to actually take the time to look at myself. Not to fix my make up quick, or my hair, or to make sure my outfit was cute, I looked into my eyes…I began to read my soul. I began to see what George sees. He tells me all the time, “Jess you are too hard on yourself.” “You’re beautiful whether you believe it or not.” “Calm down”
I want to be better. Yesterday was a pretty harsh day, here lately I have been having panic (anxiety) attacks daily. On sunday I had one so bad I couldn’t breathe, my mouth was dry, and I was not able to think rationally. Poor George didn’t know what to do, I havent had an attack like that in years…since high school, he couldn’t get me to calm down, he tried and I just kept convulsing. The more air I tried to catch the more I lost, All George did was hold my shaking hands and pray, an instant calm ran over me. He pulled me to his chest and said, “dear God I don’t know what to do, let her feel me breathing” It took awhile but I calmed, and then we agreed that while I never thought they were an issue, I have to see someone about these attacks. Learn how to manage all this stress. I work well under pressure but not under a mass amount of stress on top of pressure…does that make sense?.
I felt as if I were the mirror, all you see is a repeat. It is the same day after day but if you take the time, you see the clearer complexion you strive for. Realize blue doesn’t look good on you, or that everyone needs a little help.
God looks at us straight on like the mirror does. If everyone took the time on Him that we spend on ourselves, God would be one shiny mirror!!!
Thank You for Reading!!
funny
’90s Flashback (Memory Lane)
Thank You to cousin Sarah!! What a laugh and remembrance of the years we spent enjoying all these things! Big Rock Candy Mountain, Disney Movies, and the damn beanie babies! I will make sure my kids know of such epic awesomeness that was the 90’s!
10 Things 90s Kids Will Have To Explain To Their Children
1. Topanga was at some point in human history considered not only a legitimate first name for a human being,but the kind of name that would inspire in malleable teenage boys a life-long infatuation. Topanga,in our day,was leading lady name-material. Topanga (pronounced Tah-payne-ga,for those who will have only ever seen in it written down) is the name of the quintessential girl-next-door who will live,along with Feeney,in our hearts forever
2. At some point,we carried around little plastic eggs with tiny screens on them —in these screens lived our hearts,our pets,our raison d’etre,our very own Tamagotchi. We loved them, we listened to their tiny electronic screams of malnourishment,and we occasionally forgot to pick up their poop for long enough that they died a tortured,poop-filled death. They were perhaps our first foray into the life-consuming world of electronics and self-absorption,later to be fully manifested by Facebook.
3. The black Power Ranger was black and the yellow Power Ranger was Asian because…we were so completely ahead of our time and beyond the capacity to even think in terms of something as inconsequential as race that… uh… I don’t know. Casting directors were racist in the nineties.
4. Long before he was spending his days foisting his mediocre children on us,Will Smith was actually the perfect human specimen. He also undoubtedly holds some world record for saving the world the most times while simultaneo usly delivering flawless catchphrases and giving cool guy nods to the camera. The Men In Black rap song,at the time,was created and received by the public without the slightest trace of irony. Really. He was that good.
5. In some inevitable shift of the time-space continuum in which James Cameron continues to rob humanity of all that is good and sacred in this world, Fern Gully will be known as that movie that ripped off Avatar. It will be up to us to crusade for what is right. It is up to us to explain that Fern Gully was not only a predecessor to Avatar,but far better,in that it contained both Tim Curry as a singing pile of molasses and Robin Williams rapping about animal testing in the pharmaceutical industry. (As a side note,if you have not recently listened to the full lyrics of the “Batty Rap,” I recommend you do,as they are horrifying.)
6. A neighborhood boy who completely disregards your family and puts a ladder directly under the teenage girl’s window to climb up at his discretion is not only acceptable,it’s charming. It’s the kind of stuff that would make said family take the ladder boy under their wing and into their heart. The nineties were a simpler time,one where we didn’t have to worry about things like breaking and entering. Clarissa today would have steel bars on the inside of her window and her father would continually remind her that the next-door boy with his ladder and his touchy hands have no place in his household.
7. Though on the surface,they are the exact same thing in every conceivable way,whether you liked The Backstreet Boys or N*SYNC said more about your character than all of the terrible macaroni art you could ever make for your child psychologist. Essentially, liking *NSYNC meant you liked Justin Timberlake ,as he was clearly the Seabiscuit in that race from the get-go. You even liked him with his terrible,icy-blond mini-fro. Liking the Backstreet Boys gave you a bit more of a cultured palate,as there was no clear Diana in those Supremes. Nick was kind of the wholesome,if northern-Florida-redneck safe choice (save for his humiliating younger brother,Aaron). Brian was the shy,sensitive type. AJ was the hottt, dangerous meth addict. Kevin Richardson was mute with sexy, sculpted facial hair. No one liked Howie. Choosing between the two groups was like choosing between two beloved children,but once that line was crossed–there was no going back.
8. “I wanna really really really wanna zig a zig ahh,” has a meaning,and all true nineties kids know it,but we must never share it. Like the Illuminati,it must remain between us,the keyholders. With great power comes great responsibility.
9. Lisa Frank is not the name of a woman,it is the name of a movement,a culture,a way of living. It is a theory,a concept,a belief in something greater than yourself. It is the belief that all girls are entitled to dolphins covered with rainbows,jewel-encrusted frogs,and unicorns in acid-trip colors hugging each other. It is the ideology that no notebook is complete until it literally hurts your eyes to look at from so much color saturation. It is the hope that no school supply,no matter how insignificant,will be left un-bedazzled. It is the knowledge that your eraser cap, and that of your granddaughter’s,and her granddaughter’s after her,will not be some boring little nub–it will be a diamond covered with butterflies in a rainbow of colors. It is the dream of a better tomorrow.
10. Incredibly depressing women in Indiana covered in cats and glass figurines they buy at The Hallmark Store used to troll the web 1.0 to invest thousands of dollars in tiny stuffed animals filled with plastic beans. That happened. Beanie Babies were not just significant,they were the first example most of us had of envy,greed,and wrath. If someone messed up that little heart-shaped Ty tag,so help you God,that was the end of whatever contact you had with that monster of a human being. That tag-less Beanie Baby was now trash,and you had to deal with the consequence. It was at that moment,that de-valued Beanie Baby
C’mon Irene!
PHEW!!! Thank goodness that’s over! Prayers need to be sent to Vermont!! I have a few friends that live there and they got hit with the Hurricane WORSE than we did! Living on Long Island sure does have some ups and downs! 🙂
In preparing for Hurricane Irene, a week before, George and I went…dun dun dun GROCERY SHOPPING! 🙂 For all the things you need during said disaster such as, jugs of water, water bottles, batteries, flashlights, non-perishable food, dog food, ((we haven’t actively gone shopping in 2 months)) and a few miscellaneous things we have been meaning to get. OH and filling up the cars with gas…VERY important. During the actually storm we stayed at his Aunts. Our apartment is not exactly “hurricane friendly”, she also has 2 dogs, they and Boo get along fantastically. She was mandated to work at the town shelter since she works for the town and we had the house practicaly to ourselves.
Despite being terrified I looked on the bright-side, we were on the outskirts of the storm. Lots of trees went down, power went out ((even now on Thursday people still don’t have power)) Cable runs on power 🙂 so no cable for Georgie Bear to drown me out. We had take out from the night before that we heated up in the metal tins it came in on the propane grill outside. ((her stove was electric)) Listened to the radio as we ate, as well as all day, I sat on the love seat reading by the daylight shining through the window, and George and the dogs napped on the couch. After lunch most of the storm had passed so to let a bit of cool air in we opened a few windows, while playing a few games of UNO, simply delightful.
I looked over at George as he slept and I was over come with a very warm feeling. Like a blanket of happiness was put upon me. Him, so peaceful. I, quietly reading as the cool air floated through the house. The only sounds that could be heard were wind whistling through the screen door, Carried Away by George Strait playing on the radio 🙂 ((ironically)) and of course George, Teddy, Yogi, and Boos’ snores 🙂 Despite the devastation that could have been caused, and despite the power outage it was perfect. That day anyway was perfect!
The Weather channel says that “Katia” may pose a threat to LI as well, I guess we will have to see since its predicted land fall is in 4 days. the title for this post you may be thinking it is a bit strange. Yes it is but, a co-worker of mine, Chicago was singing “Come On Irene” instead of “Come On Eileen”, the popular ’80’s tune by Dexies Midnight Runners. Found it HILARIOUS!! So here is the song for the inspiration…
It makes me laugh, my favorite music comes from the 70s, 80s, and 90s. Actually add the 50s and 60s 🙂 Wow there are alot of smiley faces in this post…I guess thats a GRRREEEEAAAATTTT ((insert Tony the Tiger Voice here)) thing lol
Thanks for reading!!!
Lack there of…
I am sure everyone has heard of the “lack there of” phrase. Or used it once or twice! Whether it be a lack of money, health, faith, or what ever you seem to be “missing” or “misplaced”. Mine is a reoccurring problem…George fusses at me a lot about it. I have a lack there of confidence. Insecurity seems to be an everyday thing. Unless you DON’T want to be apart of this process DO NOT read on…
Working like I always do in the way it is supposed to be done ((or at least in 3 years how I have always done it)) Which DOES NOT make me right, but I am a server at a golf club!! Not a bio-enginner! A dancing monkey could do my job. I know what your thinking, “obviously your NOT working to be offended and maybe you need to be micro-managed” NOPE wrong watson! Considering I always try to be on top of things and then I feel like I am at the bottom…Plus George lets me know something is up…Enough of that! Ok yes everytime a sly comment is said I try so hard to change the thought but we always go back to “once it is thought humans are the hardest creatures to change thier minds” I also want to hide and cry…
Along with that I tend to hold on to the past. Literally I hold on to them like a baby clings to a pacifier and it makes me feel terrible all over again, like I just heard it. For example: I have always struggled with my weight. I would be pudgy one year the next I’d be thin as a rail. I got to middle school and got taller so it wasn’t as bad. Went through high school was athletic after that, I gained 60 lbs and for some reason I hadn’t been able to shave it. I went to visit my uncle ((fathers side)) and I was introduced to his co-worker and here is how the conversation went:
Uncle:—- this is my niece, Jessica
Co-worker: Nice to meet you, is this the one you talk about?
Uncle: Oh NO! Thats —. —- is the pretty one.
WHAT!?! Being 18 at the time I thought I looked ok, I had an ok self image, but GEEZ! I wasn’t a mutant! After that every time I see a picture of her I cringe and think of that comment. I also think “I wish I looked like her”I am happy in the way God made me, but… I KNOW I could make me better. Or at least healthier….darn you tasty food that makes me fat!! I am pretty DARN IT!! On the inside…I have a pretty soul. I genuinely care about people, or at least their welfare. Even people I don’t necessarily care for.
This has been a rant I notice, but that is what this is for. Haha I really hope I don’t sound loathing of myself lol 🙂 I am happy I just want the world to really see who Jessica is. I needed to get those annoying pesky doubts and bad memories behind me and now to start a new and carry on with being fabulous!!
Thanks for reading!
Dudes with Attitude
** I originally wrote this July 5, 2011. Upon recent events, I will not finish this post just yet. I will be taking a haitus. While this is a cute, and nerdy post, recent events have left me in a spot that is not cute, funny, or nerdy. Thank you and I will finish and re-link it! Till then here is the unfinished tid bit…
I must feed the inner nerd within me! I went and saw Transformers in 3D, typically I am not a 3D type of girl but that was EPIC!! Even if it was nad I think I would have still loved it. I recommend it if you havent already seen it.
This particular post was actually inspired by a cool little dude, and kinda old, looking a bit green, and speaks a little odd…if you havent figured it out already it is definitely and obviously Yoda. He is so insightful! I love while watching Star Wars some how I get a message out of it 🙂 Maybe I am just weird. He speaks of working together, believe in yourself, and be aware of whats going on around you. ((the force)) Granted he is a puppet and a wonderful writer writes his lines, it is still cool!!
To Be Continued….soon…I hope.
Thank you for reading & for patience.
Garbage Bowl
I thought of this concept while watching Rachel Ray this morning. I think I need a priority garbage bowl. Throw ALL of my useless “things” I thought were priority and chuck them in this imaginary bowl. Great idea if I do say so myself!! This might actually be difficult, or hurtful either way these are what I consider important.
Last night my NY family and I sat in Miyoshis’ back yard and discussed the current job situation and the PROBLEMS with my generation in this working age. It is true not many people my age or around my age should I say, take an interview seriously. That we ((generalizing)) would rather text someone than actually pick up the phone and have a conversation. Which is true! Who wants to have a conversation anymore? Who wants to be intimate? <–All rhetorical and sarcastic questions by the way. I will admit I text more than I speak and it is really disheartening. I am a talker by nature. I would appreciate a phone call every once and awhile. So there is one, talk more, text less
This blog has become an outlet. I enjoy writing it and getting the feedback. Whether it be bad or good, most of the time good. I even have my friends saying “that isn’t very christian like!!” I love it!! Score for me!! Here lately I have been putting this blog and George before my connection with God. Which is NOT how it is supposed to be. So here is another, God is #1
So here is my list and I am not writing a paragraph for each just a simple explanation.
1.God
2.My Marriage
3. My children
4. My bills
5 .Food in the house
6. Roof over our heads
7.Relationships with other important people in my life
8. Talking NOT texting the ones I love
As of right now that is it!! lol it most likely will change as the years progress. Now let me explain, 1,2,3…For without God George would not be in my life creating our “marriage”, if God isn’t at the center of that relationship it wont work and if the marriage doesn’t work then that is just bad for the children…see! Well I get it lol And if I have EVER told you “I love you” then I do. I am not one of those people who perpetually tosses love around. You are in my circle after that. You’re an important person. The others are just obvious 🙂
I will definatly use my “garbage bowl” . I want to put God at my center, have a better relationships with those I love, especially Georgie Poo!! Talk more and text less to maintain my relationships. Plus I don’t think Jesus has a cell.
Thank you for reading!!
George. & Jessica. 
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